Goodbye is the Saddest Word

Winnie the Pooh once said, “How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” As a very wise bear with some very wonderful friends, I think he understood that better than most of us. After all, we’re not bears.

 

Saying goodbye at the markets.

There’s something powerful, I think, in a real goodbye. Not the kind of goodbye that’s more of a ‘see you later this week’ or ‘I’m too polite to say I’m glad to be rid of you’, or even ‘it’s been nice knowing you, but I have a hot date with a cup of cocoa and a good book waiting’. I’m talking about a real goodbye, when someone you have come to love and respect and appreciate is about to leave your life forever. As you share that last hug, and look at them one last time, your mind flashes back to all the good things you have done together, as if your brain knows what would hurt most and is determined to get it all over with now. It’s the kind of goodbye that means, ‘I’m not ready for you to leave me yet, even though I know it’s time’ and ‘I wish I could know for sure that I’ll see you again’. It’s the kind of goodbye that makes funerals so painful, realizing that whether we’re ready or not, there will be no more ‘hello’, only the pain of ‘goodbye’.

 

And yet… the pain is only half of the story. 

 

We forget, as we say those goodbyes, to give thanks for the blessing of having that person in our lives. We forget to celebrate the people we have become as a result of their influence. We forget that once someone has marked our hearts, they stay with us forever, and nothing can change that, not time, not distance, not even death. There is only pain in saying goodbye because there was so much joy in knowing that person. We say goodbye, meaning, I love you. We say goodbye, and we mean, Thank you for being part of my life. We say goodbye, meaning, I know you, and I am glad you took the time to know me too. You matter. You mean something to me, and even if we don’t get to talk for a while, you will always be precious to me.

 

Tyler and Maoro.

You matter.

 

You are special.

 

I wish I didn't have to lose you.

 

But because of the twists and turns of life, our paths are about to separate, and we will each move on, and become different people. But you still matter to me. I still want to wish you a merry Christmas, and New Year, and happy birthday, and when I think of you I’ll smile, because I love you.

 

Here are some of the people we have loved and had to say goodbye to:

 

Maoro, and all the other children whom we have gotten to know in the markets. I think Maoro has been Tyler’s favorite though. Mine is a little girl named Melanie, who snuggles up to me like warm chocolate and is way too hard on herself for someone as little as her. 

 

The UBECI staff. From sudoku to string games to sickness every other week, they’ve taken what we have to give and magnified it to be enough for the kids. They work harder than anyone at getting each child into school and on track for a better life, and it’s obvious that they love what they do. I wish I had half their patience with volunteers and children alike.

 

The volunteers we’ve worked with. We’ve loved some more than others, of course, but it’s been an amazing experience working with so many people from so many different cultures, and seeing so many different perspectives on life. 

 

Mary, Javier, Dani, Jessica, Katy, and Tyler. The UBECI staff.

Matteo and Vanessa, who are the living proof to us that good friends can be made as easily in an hour as a year. When we had to go to the doctor for a stomach infection, we noticed a little pizzeria while walking back home from the doctor’s office. The next day we went for lunch, and met Vanessa and Matteo. He is Italian, via Germany, and she is from Ecuador. They met in Barcelona, and he came back with her to live his dream of opening an Italian restaurant. It’s a beautiful location in front of a little round park, the Parque de los Enamorados or Lover’s Park, very picturesque and very out of the way for tourists on city buses. They don’t get nearly the business that they deserve. The pizza is AMAZING, the spaghetti is better, and the lasagna…. Well. Let’s just say I converted to being a lasagna fan on the spot. And it’s all made with love. 

 

We told them about our volunteer work, and we ended up with an invitation to bring whomever wanted to come and have a party, with beer, red wine, everything Italians consider necessary to have a ‘beautiful night’, as Matteo told us. And it was! They closed down the restaurant for the seventeen of us, and everybody walked away happy and full. Then we stayed talking with them for a few more hours until we had barely enough time to make it home before curfew. I’ve never had such a fun time!  Since then we’ve stopped by whenever we could, and there is always a smile and a healthy helping of food (meaning there’s always more than we can eat!) waiting for us. You know that saying that Olive Garden has, that when you’re here, you’re family? That’s what it feels like. They’re our other family, who happens to make very good food.

 

Vanessa and Matteo, our adoptive Ecuatalian family.

Veronica, our house cook. I started out talking to her because I felt bad that she has to work every day to make sure we get fed so we can go have all these adventures. Then I started to love her. Every day she makes breakfast for us, cleans all the dishes from the night before, and prepares a delicious dish for our dinner. She never gets to see us devour it, though, because she leaves for the day before dinner, and our house abuelo, Enrique, heats it up for us. It still tastes amazing.

 

And our host family, Monica, Byron, and their three daughters, Naira, Milena, and Ariana, with Byron’s father, Enrique. We’ve had something happen almost every single week of the eight weeks we’ve been volunteering, and every time they’ve been there with loving concern and suggestions on getting better. When Tyler fell and broke his arm, our abuelo doctor Enrique made sure he was alright, and when the doctor wanted to cast up his whole arm without really looking at the X-ray, Monica took us to a different doctor nearby who discovered a crack in the scaphoid bone and took much better care of us. Monica will also pop in to hear stories of what it’s like in the US, what our family traditions are, and is always ready to share stories of life in Ecuador. With her we’ve learned to make chocolate empanadas and guaguas de pan, or bread babies, and learned the stories of Cantuña and the statue of the Virgin Mary atop the Panecillo.

 

Veronica the amazing cook for the volunteer house.

The traditional English word for goodbye is ‘farewell’, meaning, ‘may all your affairs prosper until we meet again’. In Spanish, they say ‘adios’, which I like much better. ‘A Dios’, I leave you in God’s hands, until we meet again, whether in this life or the next. A Dios les dejo, mis amigos, mis hermanos, mis queridos, hasta que nos veamos, sea en este mundo o el próximo. May God be with you, till we meet again.

 

So next time you say goodbye to someone, think about what you mean. Are you simply closing the door on a chapter in your life, along with all the characters in that chapter? Are you feeling the pain of losing a dear friend, a confidante, someone you love? Or are you hoping they’ll be ok until you see them again, telling them to take care?

 

I hope, along with the inevitable pain of saying goodbye, you take the time to remember and cherish the reason for that pain. It’s a lesson I’ve learned a lot this past week, and I wouldn’t trade these past weeks with my dear ones for anything. 

 

To each and every one of them, and to each and every one of you, my wonderful readers, I say: A Dios. May God be with you till we meet again. Que Dios les cuide siempre, que les bendiga con todo lo que necesiten y más, por el amor que ustedes nos han dado. And whether we meet again soon or late, in this world or the next, know that we WILL meet again. After all, a wise man once said: “Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.” 

 

And you know what? He was right. 

 

For more photos related to this post click here